Visible or The Double Edged Sword

As Boy Wonder grows older his Autism grows more visible.  No longer is it invisible to people who don't know what Autism is. As my firstborn, there's so many firsts that I haven't experienced with him. He has made more progress then I was told by that doctor he would ever make.

I often only see BW in relation to the DIVA and Sweet Baby Girl so while I notice the differences, it's my normal. Between school and his therapies we don't often get to do things with large groups of kids his own age. But yesterday was BW's preschool picnic. This included the inclusive preschool as well as the preschool with disabilities class. As they had all of the kids line up in the front of the room, my heart sank. I knew what was coming. The music therapist started to play his guitar and all the typical kids and some of BW's classmates started to sing. Not my Boy Wonder though.  He cried and stimmed and bit his hand. And the thrill of his joyful progress just two weeks ago evaporated.

I know next year when I go to the preschool picnic for the DIVA, I'll get my typical moment.  But I also know, I'll see all the kids from BW's former class and I'll remember yesterday. The double edged sword of raising typical kids and a special needs kid.

Joyful Progress in Pictures

True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice.

~St. Frances De Sales

Without struggle, there can be no progress.

~Frederick Douglas

We attended D's little girls 3rd Birthday Party on Saturday. (Happy Birthday A!!!) Now usually Boy Wonder just hangs by the chips and wanders about not really interacting with the other kids but then this happened spontaneously and unprompted. Ready????

Spontaneous unprompted appropriate play with other kids. He looked at them and laughed along. Thanks for the wake up call Boy Wonder. Mommy's watching.

Painful Progress

 In this world, there is a kind of painful progress. 

Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead."
— Tony Kushner

We had Boy Wonder's Annual IEP review.  His placement has changed from Preschool with a Disability to Autism. He will be  in a self contained classroom next year for "Kindergarteners and First Graders."


While I'm glad he has made enough progress to move ahead, the lack of development grows all the more apparent. Sweet Baby Girl is surpassing him weekly. The DIVA is a runaway freight train so far down the track ahead of him. I know it does me no good to compare my kids. It's not a luxury I often allow myself. But for a few minutes I'll wallow in it.  I thought we'd be farther along by now but we aren't.

The school year is almost over.  BW will be attending Extended School Year. But I'm dreading the fall already. Why? Our town hands out lawn signs for all the kids starting Kindergarten. It says "School # 2 welcomes you to Kindergarten." This is not a Kindergarten I ever imagined.

But I'm not alone. Alot of us are feeling this way after IEP season.  It's disappointment and heartbreak for now but the hope and joy will come back around.