At the Walk Now for Autism event, I looked away for a minute while Boy Wonder sat in the double stroller. When I looked back he was gone. Vanished. No where in sight. My friend informed security while Big Daddy and I started to run through the crowd. I went out to the parking lots. Running, looking and praying. There's no way he could have made it out to the road. Someone would have had to notice, especially here, that he's alone and lost and profoundly autistic.
They found him 10 minutes later hiding behind the bounce house. I will never look away again. I have followed him from room to room in the house since Sunday. All the doors and the windows are locked. And it will be along time before I trust myself again.
Not. Your Fault.
ReplyDeleteStop right now.
I know that panic. I feel your panic still in your words.
I love you and I love BW and we will make sure he stays safe.
I've lost my kid too. It is the worst feeling in the world. I know exactly. Our kids can be so fast and so quiet. Love to you.
ReplyDeleteOh, I know that feeling. It's happened here. Hugs...and hope your nerves calm down soon.
ReplyDeleteOh, honey, it is NOT your fault. Your sweet Boy Wonder is a bright and curious child and so loved. He's got a community at his back. We've got YOUR back, too. The guilt is driven by the fear, of course, but don't let it consume you. Let it fuel you to be proactive and find new ways of managing so your brilliant boy can be safe to spread his wings more and you can watch with pride instead of fear.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if there is a worse feeling in the world than that one, or a harder one to let go of. I feel for you. Niksmom's comment is spot on (as are all the others). Please don't let the fear and guilt consume you, it is NOT your fault. I hope your nerves start to calm soon. We are all standing by your side.
ReplyDeleteOh, my friend, my PTSD kicked in just reading this post. I have been through this so many times with Nigel. So glad you were able to find Boy Wonder quickly. Sending you a big, compassionate hug.
ReplyDelete