I Wouldn't Want This For You

I wouldn't want this for you.....

the sleepless nights

the endless toilet training 

or 

the Code Brown that goes along with it

the physical, emotional and financial toll it painfully exacts daily

the worry of what happens when we are gone

the worry of what someone may do to him without us knowing

the effect on his sisters

the epic crying tantrums

and the guessing why that goes along with those tantrums

the hours of endless screaming vocal stimming 

the stares and the judgments that go along with those stares.

the battles with the school districts.

I will unselfishly keep all these to myself.

I would want  for you.....

the wonder of small miracles

the belief that he can do so much more than we are told

and 

that he is in there with so much to offer

the big belly laughs 

the whispered halting I love yous and pick me ups

the unexpected oven mitt to the head informing the world his pizza is ready

his forehead pressed to mine and saying hi

the absolutely adorable way he chews gum

his sweet sleeping face when I find him all wrapped up like a mummy in his sheets

Those I will so selfishly keep for myself.