STFU TAPE a Jersey Informercial

Cue smarmy informercial voice........

Have whiny kids???? Teenagers that talk back?  A spouse that talks to hear themselves talk and says random stupid offensive crap???? A friend who is all me me me all the time???  In laws who don't think you're raising your kids right? A boss that talks over you in meetings and takes credit for your work??? A Special Education Director that violates FAPE every time they open their mouth??? That know-it-all elderly person who tells you should give your kid a good smack???? Ever wish you could just tape their mouth shut well now you can!!!!..... Introducing STFU tape....

For just $9.95 plus shipping & handling and you'll never have to listen to whining or stupidity again. Simply peel off the appropriate length of STFU TAPE  and place it over the morons mouth and PRESTO. Silence!!!  I'm from Jersey so I'm not stupid enough to double this offer. But I do have a celebrity endorser.

Call 888-STFU-NOW to place your order. Enjoy your moron free day!!!

Dancing

Maybe we will never dance together at his wedding,

But every morning, Boy Wonder comes up to me in the kitchen

And says in his halting soft spoken way,

"Mommy.... I.... want.....dance.....please."

And so I spin my sweet boy until he's had enough.

And he squeezes me tight and runs away giggling.

I will take that sweet moment with my boy everyday.

Classy & Fabulous Four

A girl should be two things; Classy and Fabulous

Coco Chanel

Amazing

Fabulous

Smart

Hilarious

Giggly

Silly

Girly

Gorgeous

Loving

All these words don't even begin to describe what a fantastic little girl you are, Diva. Happy 4th Birthday. May you always be as happy as you are today. Mommy loves you. 

And Yet More Proof That God Loves Messing With Me

So I took THE DIVA  to Princess Tea Birthday Party yesterday. I got to sit and watch her play withe classmates and learn how to drink tea with her pinky out. The mom had her younger sister and her friend helping out doing hair, makeup, nails and how to act like a princess lessons. THE DIVA kept cracking up the sister's friend. She came over to tell me how much she enjoyed THE DIVA. We chatted a bit. She tells me she is a part time nanny and babysits as well. She also tells me she is an aide at Boy Wonder's school. I'm thinking ooo babysitter as our current babysitter is pregnant and we will need a back up. I ask her if she knows Boy Wonder. Her face lights up and she says oh he's so sweet and such a cutie. Then she says oh you probably know my mom!!! I ask who her mom is. Guess who?? THE SPECIAL ED DIRECTOR.

And there you have it reason 8,679 why God loves to mess with me.

Paying It Forward with 13.1 and 26.2

And as I finished up training for the NYC Marathon last year, I said never again. I ran it for all the right reasons and with tons of support but it was long long months of training and hours spent doing long runs on Sundays but the excitement in the runner's village was contagious.  So I thought to myself well just maybe I'll do it again next year but then I hit mile 18. Mile 18 was my breaking point. I was tired with 6.1 miles to go but I checked my twitter feed and holy freaking cheering section. And of course I had the famous Luau waiting for me at around mile 23.  So I ran on because letting my hero down is never ever an option and I always finish what I start.

So I finished and I was sore for a few days. I started to think well why not run it again? But I put it on the back burner while I started school and had a few other things going on. But then I got inspired by MrsSgm who decided she'd kick a little Congressional butt I mean brief them on military families living with autism and then go on a national TV show and ya know tell the nation what's going on.  And my friend who is starting a non profit tennis academy for kids with autsim. Or always Judith who fights for healthcare reform nationwide for her son, my son and everyone else's sons and daughters living with autism. Or Jess who speaks out with eloquence and class for our community on a daily basis. And all the other mamas who have done so much for all our kids.

I have been blessed by the people who have been on the road ahead of me. They have blazed the trail through a scary forest. They have reached back, grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. They have welcomed me into the village. Now it's my turn, I can reach back and pull someone forward. I can tell them you'll get there. Maybe not in the most direct route, there will be twists and turns and uphill battles and oh watch out for the rabbit hole. But you are never ever alone.

So in honor of these amazing people and their sons and their daughters, I decided to really get my crazy on and because ya know Luau likes as many of us to participate in his crazy as he can convince to join him, I'll be running the Boston Half Marathon (click >HERE< to donate) on September 16 and then the NYC Marathon (click >HERE< to donate) on November 4 for Autism Speaks. If you are in a position to donate please do so and if not you can just cheer me on on Twitter.

You can make a difference in this community but only you can figure out how to do it in a way that matters to you the most. This is my way of giving back. What's yours?

Unexcepted Blessing or My cousin is the next Dionne Warwick Physic Friend

 Editors note: This originally appeared elsewhere for THE DIVA's 1st Birthday. As I watch her rapidly approach her 4th (how did that happen) Birthday, I remembered this post. It's one of my favorites.  Because as much as she is being all sass and brass tacks lately, she is really and truly a blessing.



Late in July 2007, my cousin U. came to visit me. I was in probably the best shape of my life. Boy Wonder had yet to be diagnosed but I knew something either wasn't right or I was a really shitty mother as he didn't seem to like me. While U. and her daughter K. were here, I came close to fainting a few times. U. said to me,"Maybe you're pregnant!" I said, "Maybe I'll slap you."

I tell Big Daddy what U. said and we laugh until I start counting. So I take a pregnancy test and get this.....



Unexpectedly pregnant!!! Oh shit! I was thrown for a loop but quickly accepted it which led to this.......



On the first day of Spring March 20, 2008, my water broke in Target at 9:30 am which then led to this at 11:21 pm later that evening....





Which brings us to one year later, Happy 1st Birthday, Diva! Mommy and Daddy love you more then we can ever say!

What It's Like To Have A Child With Autism

Editor's Note: This post originally appeared elsewhere in March 2010. While our sleep issues have mostly subsided, the Tasmanian Devil is a rare sight these days, and Boy Wonder is far more present, a lot of this is still true. ~J

Some days it's like having a ghost in the room. You can see them but you can't touch them. They can't hear you.

Other days, it's like someone dropped off a Tasmanian devil. A whirling, stimming, running, jumping yelling dervish who leaves a path of destruction in their wake.

Every day, a constant worry about their future and selfishly your future cause you sure as hell didn't sign on for this shit.  Some days the worry is manageable and on the bad days it's paralyzing.

Wondering if something happens to you who will care for and love your child because you know there are very few if any people willing to do it.

Watching the news and wondering what you'll do if your child ever gets so violent your life and that of your other children could be at risk and praying it never gets to that point or become the mother who is so overcome she overdoses her child on medication and kills him.

Cringing when you hear other parents complain about the budget for special education kids in your school district and kind of wishing you were still that ignorant but knowing you are a better person now.

1:00 am wake up calls followed by another at 2:30 am and 5:00 am because God forbid we sleep through the night.

You get to have some one come to your house 6 days a week to give your child therapy.

But there's progress, love and hope. Progress because you never let up on him EVER. Love because he's your child no matter how God made him and when he looks you right in the eye and smiles it's all worth it. Hope that all this hard work will pay off in a miracle.