Tuesday, March 29, 2011

When the Words Won't Come

I think I am understanding lately  how Boy Wonder may feel. I have so much to say but I can't say it. I keep getting in my own way. Post ideas listed everywhere. Half written posts in my head but when I sit down to write nothing comes. I feel blocked and jittery.

Is it because of what's going on with the school district? This waiting game of who pays for what if anything? The Boy's placement for next year has me on edge and jumping out of my skin. Snappish and no patience for little girls whining.

I could tell you that I'm running faster but it's fueled by fear and anger. That the forced rest days built into the schedule I'm tempted to ignore because physical pain dulls the fear and anger.

Sleep is elusive for me and Boy Wonder. He's been getting up at 3 am. 

I could tell you that I feel that there's been no meaningful progress for Boy Wonder for months and that it makes me angry.  Angry because I thought we'd be farther along by now. Or I try to remember that he seems happy and that's what matters most. 

I could tell you that Sweet Baby Girl is developing beautifully and typically. She is my happiest, sweetest, most smiley baby. At 15 months, she has a few words and is into everything.

Or that the Diva is living up to her name. In all her 3 year old glory, she thinks that screaming in my face will change a no to a yes. Or that potty training is optional. But she is so smart and can be so sweet. Lots of questions and I can do it myself. Or that I find her fashion sense outrageously wonderful. 

I could tell you other things but I'm searching for my words just like my Boy Wonder.


  1. Oh Jersey, I completely understand exactly where you are. I was there the year before Roc started his first year of kindergarten and I was there last year as I dealt with the district on his label/services/placement for kindergarten again this year. Just remember this: nothing, NOTHING is set in stone. You don't have to sign anything until it works, really works for you and your boy. It shouldn't have to be this hard, I've railed against it myself, and run into the anger, but you are doing a great job, always remember that.

  2. I can understand how this uncertainty has you on edge. Just know you are an amazing mom and will fight for him and what he needs, and then you'll see results. For him and you. Wishing you all the best always.

  3. Right there with you on the lack of sleep thing. I hope that and everything else works out for you soon.

  4. I hate the placement game. Thinking of you, sending love.