Friday, June 3, 2011

Painful Progress

 In this world, there is a kind of painful progress. 
Longing for what we've left behind, and dreaming ahead."
Tony Kushner

We had Boy Wonder's Annual IEP review.  His placement has changed from Preschool with a Disability to Autism. He will be  in a self contained classroom next year for "Kindergarteners and First Graders."

While I'm glad he has made enough progress to move ahead, the lack of development grows all the more apparent. Sweet Baby Girl is surpassing him weekly. The DIVA is a runaway freight train so far down the track ahead of him. I know it does me no good to compare my kids. It's not a luxury I often allow myself. But for a few minutes I'll wallow in it.  I thought we'd be farther along by now but we aren't.

The school year is almost over.  BW will be attending Extended School Year. But I'm dreading the fall already. Why? Our town hands out lawn signs for all the kids starting Kindergarten. It says "School # 2 welcomes you to Kindergarten." This is not a Kindergarten I ever imagined.

But I'm not alone. Alot of us are feeling this way after IEP season.  It's disappointment and heartbreak for now but the hope and joy will come back around.


  1. Perfect, J - and the hope and joy ALWAYS come back around - though it'd be nice to have the heads up when ;0)

    Love you - you fight so hard and love so ferociously when it comes to your babies and all of us around you are blessed to be with you on this journey.


  2. You are the best of the best when it comes to getting what BW needs. You inspire me everyday and I'm so glad to know you. We'll be here in the fall for you.

  3. Oh my. I try not to compare my kids, but it's hard not to, right?

    Relax for now, and get your strength for the next year.

  4. i know. and i'm sorry.

    love to you.

  5. I ONLY see joy and hope when I look at your sweet BW. Truly. He will make his way in his own time and on his terms. But I don't doubt thatch WILL make it. I'm thankful tomhave front row seats to watch him as he grows. xoxo

  6. I totally understand where you're coming from. IEP season sucks the big one, but it's worth it. For those times when a friend/family member comments on your baby's progress...progress you may not have even seen yourself because you're too close to small as that progress may seem, it's progress, and these are major cause for celebration. Here's hoping your disappointment and heartbreak are on their way out, and that hope and joy shine some much-needed sunlight into your world very soon.