Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Visible or The Double Edged Sword

As Boy Wonder grows older his Autism grows more visible.  No longer is it invisible to people who don't know what Autism is. As my firstborn, there's so many firsts that I haven't experienced with him. He has made more progress then I was told by that doctor he would ever make.

I often only see BW in relation to the DIVA and Sweet Baby Girl so while I notice the differences, it's my normal. Between school and his therapies we don't often get to do things with large groups of kids his own age. But yesterday was BW's preschool picnic. This included the inclusive preschool as well as the preschool with disabilities class. As they had all of the kids line up in the front of the room, my heart sank. I knew what was coming. The music therapist started to play his guitar and all the typical kids and some of BW's classmates started to sing. Not my Boy Wonder though.  He cried and stimmed and bit his hand. And the thrill of his joyful progress just two weeks ago evaporated.

I know next year when I go to the preschool picnic for the DIVA, I'll get my typical moment.  But I also know, I'll see all the kids from BW's former class and I'll remember yesterday. The double edged sword of raising typical kids and a special needs kid.


  1. The thing that sucks the most is learning how to cherish the unique 'moments' that our kids with autism have. Because no, they won't be at the preschool picnic. But our special kids DO HAVE their own shining, memorable moments of the most spectacular kind. Sometimes they are the hardest moments to spot - and sometimes the celebration is led by you and you are the only audience. And that is hard. But it still matters and it is still special. Love you, J. You're an incredible mother and your children are blessed to have you.

  2. I can totally relate to your post - seems like as hard as we try to accept our "normal" it still tugs at me a bit when you hear other parents talking about taking their kids to Little League, soccer games, birthday parties and play dates. It shouldn't bother me but it does at times, wishing that he could participate in team sports. But, I remind myself of the joy on his face during his one-on-one adaptive swim lessons and know that this is the right choice for him now. Especially when I compare that to his meltdowns and sensory overload when we tried soccer a few yrs ago. Thanks for helping me to remember our new "normal" is not "less", just different.

  3. I have these moments just about every time I see The Princess's cousins, who are all "typical." Since The Princess is an only child, her quirks are my normal. Knowing how difficult it can be for The Hubbs and me with my nieces around, I can only imagine what it must be like to have multiple kiddos in the same house with Boy Wonder and his autism. Hugs to you.

  4. I hear you, my friend. Nigel was always distressed by those types of things. Love.